When I was nineteen, I could carry a fifty foot roll of six foot chain link fence on each shoulder. I used to pride myself on the fact that I once laid down ten yards (almost 20,000 pounds) of river rock on the side of a house by myself in five or six hours with just a flat shovel and a wheel barrel. That was silly of me, and it was just one of many times I did things like that to make money. I regret it now, but it's in the past, and a new chapter is ahead of me, even different from these last four and a half years of sitting at a desk managing orders, databases, and contracts.
I've finally decided to make a concerted effort to pair down both my projects and my ambitions, which was extremely difficult for me. I've always tried to stay busy because I think sitting on a couch watching TV or drinking at a bar every day are huge wastes of very precious time, and a way of life in which I've seen a ton of people drown their lives, some of them very close to me and now gone.
I've played in many bands, worked on multiple vehicles, my old truck before I got my Himmy back in '20, the Tiger and the R1100R since, plus the sailboat, and also now the house. It has become too much for my long-tortured body, and it has to change. *shrugs bad shoulders while wincing a lil bit*
I haven't worked on the Tiger in quite a while because the extremely complicated valve adjustment did not come out the way I intended, most likely because I need a new timing chain...I hope. With all the other projects and ambitions, it has just stayed covered up and sitting on the lift while I travel, work on the R1100R and on small home projects, the latter of which took up most of my vacation last month and probably contributed to this ridiculously strong arthritic flair up in my shoulders. So, that's just how it is. I've decided that once I do get the Tiger back together and ride it for a while longer, and that'll be after I've made the garage more comfortable to work in, I'll sell it and have one less project to work on and maintain. As much as I've loved it over twelve thousand miles, and as well as it's treated me, I have the BMW to maintain and ride, which I really enjoy as well and is much easier to work on. Plus I have work to do on the truck and sailboat as well. Yes, there are punch-lists for all of it. ;)
I'll only spend as much time as needed in the garage during the summer, and that means working on the BMW more than the Triumph, because the design is so much simpler to work on.
When I thought that I had a rotator cuff injury, I was extremely worried about multiple aspects of my life, gardening, drumming, refitting the boat, the brake work that's upcoming on the Sierra, etc. All these things are so essential to my life, but I finally realize that I'm just going to have to take more time to do them all, rather than bust them out as quickly as possible, and that goes double for my ridiculously large landscaping projects here at the house, which is probably the foremost reason for my shoulders feeling the way they have recently. I can't imagine how many hours of my life have been sent wielding a fucking pick axe, but since approximately fifteen years of my former career were spent in landscape construction and management (more the former than the latter without good help for most of it), I'm sure it was in the thousands, especially considering that one work year equals 2,080 hours.
I'm extremely glad it wasn't a rotator cuff injury. It sucks that I'm only forty five years old and have such wicked arthritis, but I'll do all I can to mitigate it, including an upcoming cortisone shot, which should help immensely for at least a lil while. In the meantime, I'll continue to do yoga regularly, and I've recently added some shoulder strengthening rehab exercises. I'll also continue to roll out my sore muscles with a lacrosse ball and massage gun.
The rest is just acceptance of my fate and learning how to slow down when I need to do so. For the better part of the last two weeks, I've worked on essentially no projects at all (besides topping and edging the lawn while my younger son Gareth mowed) while nursing this shoulder, and I've probably read about 2,000 pages of fantasy and spy novels, which is how I keep my mind well occupied when I'm unable to do physical activity. That's healthier than most of the other coping mechanisms I've seen and relied on in my past, I'm sure.
I know there are people older than me working in the trades, and I'll eternally respect them for sticking with it so long. I made a lot of questionable choices regarding for and with whom I worked, and under what conditions, but that didn't change that I stuck with it for so long, especially because I enjoyed seeing the fruits of my labor daily. However, I've been making some pretty decent choices the last several years, and the first was to leave my last "construction" job in early 2020, before we knew the pandemic was even a thing.
While I spent that summer doing landscape jobs that probably contributed heavily to my overall deterioration, it was the last hurrah of massive landscape construction projects prior to buying this house last year, and now I can take my sweet ass time and do exactly what I want, which is nice, even if it's going to take months of Saturday mornings rather than just a few days.
I've also asked for help from other people, specifically the boys and Valerie, something that was kind of hard for me to do, because I'm literally not going to be able to complete most of the home projects without them in a timely manner going forward. It's just a lot, and if we're really going to get our money's worth out of this place, it's still DIY or die.
The projects will gradually fall away as well, and I'll just be left with a couple of vehicles and a house to maintain for a few years, leading on toward endless coastal sunsets and twistier roads.
The only thing that I'll remain really ambitious about is traveling, and that by whatever means possible, preferably by motorcycle, and soon by sailboat I'm sure, which will take me to places that most people can't or won't go, even in Texas, with an acoustic guitar, pen and paper at hand. I can't and won't let go of that. I've lived in this town for almost thirty five years now, and I've been ready to leave it for some time. I haven't even traveled the US as extensively as I'd like, despite living in the middle of the country and putting down thousands and thousands of miles.
The map I keep on the wall of my office with all of my roadtrips marked in dark red. I really need to visit New England, the PNW, Chicago, the Great Lakes and Upper Peninsula, and the rest of the Rockies. That's just the US.
This is the way things are now, and I am prioritizing where I put my physical energies. I'm slowly learning how to take it easy on myself. I'll adapt as needed, as I always have done. ;)
